Hint: “Hi Sexy” doesn’t cut it

Any woman on a dating app has grown
accustomed to a barrage of empty compliments. There’s the spammer
guy who sends the “Hi Beautiful” to every woman within a 50 miles
radius. Or the guy that within 3 minutes of witty text exchanges
peppers in a “Your hot.” (Bad grammar intended…and even more
egregious if you are flirting with a writer.)

But then there is the man whose
compliment makes you feel like a Stradivarius violin begging to be
played.

All flirtation begins with flattery. A
good compliment smashes fears and tears down walls. It clears the
cobwebs from our ancient hearts and seduces us into the quiet
recesses of unbound love. And just using the right words begins
that dance.

But in our fast-paced world, many have
forgotten how to slow down and give a great compliment. Here are
some tips on how to be the guy who seduces with a memorable
compliment.

You turn a flaw into an asset.

In the eighteenth century, Giacomo
Casanova fell in love with a beautiful actress and was determined
to have her. Unfortunately, she had one not-so-sexy peccadillo — a
speech impediment that prevented her from saying “r” words.
Undeterred, Casanova set out to charm her.

So he wrote her a play without a
single “r” word that she could perform for her fans.

Now, Casanova could have given his
lady love money for a speech coach or handed her a few
eighteenth-century self-help books on elocution. But he did not.
Casanova didn’t try to fix her flaw. Because he did not hear her
ineloquent “r” words. He only heard all the letters of the alphabet
she could pronounce.

People who give great compliments are
like master diamond cutters. They cut the right angles to make even
the lowest grade diamond shine. They may see minor blemishes and
weaknesses, but they highlight only strengths.

We grow attached to people who allow
us to be vulnerable. A good compliment tells the other person —
it’s ok to be perfectly imperfect.

People who give
great compliments are like master diamond cutters. They cut the
right angles to make even the lowest grade diamond
shine.

You notice something unusual.

Instead of offering generic praise,
most women want to hear that you adore her uniqueness.

Maybe you notice the delightful way
her nose crinkles when she laughs. Or perhaps you are captivated by
her penchant for climbing tall structures in heels. (Don’t knock it
until you try it.) Women don’t want to hear that she has a sexy
butt. She wants to hear that you noticed the freckle on her
butt.

Be the guy who takes the time to
notice something special about her instead of something generic.
Women adore that guy.

You see her possibilities more than
her accomplishments.

Women don’t want to be admired for the
awards they have already won. Polishing someone’s medals does not
make them feel special. What makes a woman feel special is when she
sees her infinite possibilities reflected in her lover’s eye. He
sees the person she has yet to become.

For example, instead of complimenting
someone on a recent work promotion, tell them how you know they
will go far in life because of a specific skill. Maybe it’s how she
juggles multiple projects, her creative problem-solving skills, or
her calm, analytical approach to any crisis. Compliment your
lover’s untapped potential and future accomplishments instead of
the accomplishments she has already achieved.

What makes a woman feel special is
when she sees her infinite possibilities reflected in her lover’s
eye.

Don’t make your compliment a
transaction.

We all know those people who pay you a
compliment right before they ask for something. Nothing makes
someone feel like they have swallowed dirty pool water than a
compliment that foreshadows a request.

Great compliments are like a
well-timed orchestra. They reach their crescendo at the right
moments. This especially holds true for that romantic milestone of
saying, “I love you.”

Never say it for the first time during
sex. That is guaranteed to not go over well. “I love you’s” during
sex are like throwing pennies into a wishing well. They are cheap
and never make the words come true.

In a study from the Journal
of Personality and Social Psychology, psychologist Josh Ackerman
found women were happier to hear first-time declarations of
love after sex, not before
or during. The reason is simple. A woman knows that a host of
hormones and neurotransmitters mess with your thoughts during that
mid-coitus flood of emotion. And let’s face it. An “I love you”
during or before sex is you thinking with your little head and not
your big head.

If you genuinely feel it…you will
still feel it when the waves of pleasure pass. So wait for a quiet
moment free of lust, and it will feel less transactional.

“I love you’s” during sex are like
throwing pennies into a wishing well. They are cheap and never make
the words come true.

Practice Sprezzatura

Sprezzatura is an Italian word coined by master
seducer Baldassare Castiglione in his 1528 The
Book of the Courtier. He defined it as “art which does
not seem to be an art.” In modern parlance, this is acting
naturally and unaffected. A great compliment appears effortless
like you are merely stating the obvious.

My ten-year-old son is a consummate
flatterer. I recently had a birthday, and he bounded into my room
with a “Happy 35th birthday!”

I laughed, “You know I am not 35.”

He responded, “Nooooo. It can’t be so.
You don’t look a day over 20.”

Yes, I am giving you love advice from
a ten-year-old, but stay with me… Children have a spontaneous and
sometimes brazen way of speaking. So when they give a compliment,
there’s less chance of duplicity. A natural, guileless, Sprezzatura
compliment springs out of this childlike purity.

“Women can resist a man’s love, a
man’s fame, a man’s personal appearance, and a man’s money, but
they cannot resist a man’s tongue…”― Wilkie Collins, The Woman in
White